Stopping and Going

Stopping is a difficult discipline.

Resting is also a difficult discipline.

I live an unsustainable life. God is making that clear. I'm like a fusion of the Tortoise and the Hare.

In that classic Aesop's fable, the Tortoise and the Hare have a race which the hare knows he can't lose. So every time he loses sight of the tortoise he takes a nap. But because he is lazy, the tortoise, who has been steadily plodding along the entire time wins! The moral? Slow and steady wins the race. Eugene Peterson alludes to a similar reality in his book title, "A Long Obedience in the Same Direction" where he challenges believers to have the long term view of discipleship and growth.

This is a great message! Unless, of course, you are me... because it then becomes "slow and steady wins the race" and "speedily never stopping must be even better"! And so I find myself living a frenetic life that never... stops. Until I crash that is! ;)

Both images are flawed if applied to our spiritual growth, I feel. One (the Hare) ascribes to a sprint methodology, living off of spiritual highs, a roller-coaster faith that is always wildly swinging between extremes. The other (the Tortoise) plods forward, driven by the need for sanctification, but making no space to stop, to rest, ultimately crashing, like the hare, only later and harder.

What is a better image for the appropriate rhythms of life, that neither fall into a "hare-like" sprinting and crashing or a "tortoise-like" driven-ness?

Thoughts?

In a Bangkok Redlight District

This poem was birthed from an experience I had prayer walking in Patpong. As we exited onto Silom road, I saw this young girl, with her mom.

Some of our team this summer will be going into the redlight districts with Nightlight. Be praying for them as they try to bring Jesus' love into some of the darkest places of the city.
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In a Bangkok Redlight District

She is barely five—or six?

When I catch sight of her…

Walking

hand grasping the hand that

Pulls

her behind her mother

Weaving

through the streets

surrounded

by Darkness

encroaching upon her red summer dress.

Colorless people shove their way through

crowds

of tourists throwing their money

away for a trinket

high priced ornaments

to take home and put on coffee tables

and fire places

and hang on walls

as the red lights above

blink and

swirl and

invite

you to the show

Inside.

The young girl blankly stares

Lost in the throngs

Of people

Red dress and Red lights

her innocence

surrounded by

decadence that threatens to

swallow

her

but

she does not know, and so it can’t.

not as long

as that hand that holds her

does not let go.

I hope it will never let her go.

Tom Robbins on Bangkok

"Simultaneously a frantic, high-tech juggernaut and a timeless Asian dream, Bangkok straddles like no other metropolis the boundary between acrid and sweet, soft and hard, sacred and profane. It’s a silk buzz saw, a lacquered jackhammer, a steel-belted seduction, a digital prayer. Its numerous temples and shrines are obscured by clouds of mephtic exhaust, its countless vices and crimes by smiles of tender delight; and through it all, Bangkok manages to maintain the most graceful balance, a grace no less genuine for being well-rehearsed and no less pure for being supported by con men and whores."

- Tom Robbins (Villa Incognito)

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For those of you who don't know Tom Robbins, this post-hippie writer spent much time in Thailand and out of this time spawned a number of books. In my creative writing class, he was recommended to me after I read some pieces that included my experiences in Bangkok. I decided to look him up online and ran across this quote from one of his books which struck me as a profound (if secular) view on the paradoxical nature of Bangkok.

Bangkok is a nation of smoke and mirrors, the land of smiles masking (as he says) vices and crimes in the form of political corruption, human trafficking, massive pollution and prostitution.
And so it is that Bangkok draws people escaping from pain into a place where Hedonism brings meaning. Or at least that is what "Bangkok" represents to the west.

What do I hope to see? This summer I hope to press in and discover who actually lives, breathes and works, beneath the gilded exterior that is promoted to the rest of the world. How do they live? How do they interact with the dual reality that is Bangkok? What does justice and shalom speak prophetically with judgment and hope to a well-rehearsed grace, that is ingenuous and supported by con artists and whores...

Bangok 09: Thoughts

"Thai history compresses what happened in the US in 100 years into 10!"

This was my U.S. History teacher's favorite piece of wisdom and insight and he had us map and compare the country we all lived in (Thailand) against the country we were studying (USA) all year long. And it was true! The industrial revolution took place in a decade in Bangkok, dizzying growth, exports, economic gain. When I arrived as a 4 year old in 1988 one of the tallest buildings was the six story YMCA. Go back down Sathorn road and you won't even see it! It's still there, hidden behind all of the 40+ story buildings around it. The old and new would clash in urban Bangkok, temples against sky rises as the country grew by leaps and bounds.

But in 1997 the Asian Financial Crisis hit, and in 2001 the war on terrorism caused new tension with the Muslim south, then the coup, now political turmoil and most recently the recent Global Recession... what is happening in Thailand?

The country has seemed to fade a bit. The height of its popularity being the mid-90s when all was well for the country. And now it is another South East Asian post-industrialization, still developing, nation.

Without God

Still

after 150 years of Christianity in the country.

Why God, have you not moved in Thailand like we would hope? And if you are... where is it? These are the questions I am going to Thailand asking along with one critical third question: What is my role?

So tell me what you think. What do you think of where Thailand stands? Is the country on the verge of crumbling, or is God doing something new/unseen that I have yet to discover.

More specifically, what role will Bangkok, the capital city and economic hub, play in the economic and spiritual revival of the country as a whole?

Let me know!

Sunsets...

I love sunsets... the beauty of the fading light leaves me breathless and so when I was asked to do a poetic self-portrait for a class, this is what came out of that time. Sunsets which link the different places I've been and the ways in which God speaks peace to me through those places.

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When I get the time

to watch the sun fade

behind the houses & hills of LA

The glimmers of light

stretching

across

the sky in yellow fading to purple

And I remember similar glowing colors

watching the skyline in Bangkok Thailand

As I would walk through the city

And cross over the

city streets

cars speeding by

below,

away, to the east

away from the rich display of sunlight,

fading,

refracting,

bouncing off of

noxious gas molecules and pollution

that for one moment unlock

a deeper,

more vibrant

beauty

in the fading sun.

And I stand in awe, sweat staining my back as I trudge through the city of my youth.

And I remember similar glowing colors

sitting atop a squatter community in Manila Philippines

With towering cumulonimbus clouds

forcing the

Sun's rays around them,

so that the light spills

through

every

crack

and

crevice

as it flows towards the dark east,

changing through

every color

of the

Rainbow.

And I sit, and God tells me,

"this is where you should be."

New Eyes, New Vision

New Eyes result in new vision.

New eyes is Dorothy's green tinted glasses as she finally enters the emerald city. It is Tom Cruise's new implant as he runs, a fugitive in Minority Report. It is Neo waking up and using his real eyes for the very first time.

When you are given new eyes it brings new perspective. You look out at an object, person, place, experience and see it anew. Different aspects, different wrinkles and creases pop out to you. And you form new opinions and ultimately new vision.

I'm going through an "new eyes" experience right now as I prepare to return to Bangkok Thailand this coming June 16th. I'm helping to lead a Global Trek for InterVarsity. For those of you who want more information my prayer letter is here.

I go back to Thailand with new eyes for the first time. Going to Thailand has meant "going home" and "going on vacation" for my entire life. But going for ministry? This is new. This will be a new view of the country. A new perspective. And especially it will be a new opportunity to listen to God's voice fresh. I want to know if I'm called to go back to this place one day. I want to see the Thai people the way God sees the Thai people, not just as the people who populated the habitat of my growing years. I want to grow in compassion, love, and vision for Thailand. I want to capture God's vision.

That should always be our goal. To be granted to see things through Jesus' eyes. And perhaps this is the process of spiritual growth and formation. Forming our minds eye and spirit's eye to see what our Jesus sees.

Right now I'm taking a creative writing class and exploring using my five senses to capture image and character and story. And I'm seeing things new. Perhaps the next discipline is to take these things I'm learning and submit them to the tutelage of the Holy Spirit.

Be praying for me!

I plan on posting more on Thailand as I prepare for the trip. Keep posted!

The Odd Economy of the Creative

I was told that my last blog was lame. But I was forgiven. Thank you blogging community! With that fresh start let me talk a little bit about something that I have met face first this week.

writer's block

I was supposed to write a monologue for my creative writing course. I enrolled in this course (at PCC) to give me an outlet and structure for working on my writing. And so far it had done its job well. Until this project.

I had set aside 3 and a half hours on Monday to work on my monologue, for which I had 3 or 4 ideas. Three hours later I had four sentences written, none which I liked.

So the next day found me, again, setting aside three hours for this project. After which I still had nothing, but instead fell asleep on my couch, pen in hand. I panicked.

So today at work I set aside time to work on this project and sentence by painful sentence constructed half a page of text. That I didn't like.

I was stuck.

And so I did what I knew I had to do. I threw it all out.

And the next idea that popped in my head I ran with, and had a rough draft in 25 minutes.

And so I am left realizing that the economy of the creative is an odd economy. Hours of work are necessary, but do not guarantee success. And in the end all it takes is one idea.

I don't usually work well in this economy. It is an economy of serendipity, of chance, of moment, of grace. I like the time I clock in to count. And when it doesn't I quickly spiral out. And it gives me pause to think and wonder if perhaps I can learn something small from the economy of the creative.