What separates the boys from the men

I played volleyball in high school under the severe tutelage of Coach John Marc. He was a funny Canadian man, born and raised in Cote D'voire and moved to Thailand to teach. He worked us and in the late hours of practice as our dives and serves became half-hearted he would intone, "come on guys, this is what separates the boys from the men!".

What really does separate the boys from the men? I was sent a link to an NPR broadcast yesterday about "young men stuck in adolescent limbo". The author intoned that men these days "linger -- happily-- in a new hybrid state of semi-hormonal adolescence and responsible self-reliance." Namely, they have the freedom to do what they want, and they, well, do what they want. The writer desired to see men "grow up", raise a family, learn to take real responsibility. In her mind that is what separates the boys from the men. In some ways I agreed with the thrust of the article. I see men who cling to 'freedom' and I observe a society that allows them to do that (encourages it even). While I don't think getting married solves the problem (!!!) I do see a difference between my friends who are getting married earlier and later, esp. as I think about their maturity in decision making. It's a decision that can mark a separation 'between the boys and the men'.

I'm learning that perhaps being a man involves the will to make decisions and to live with the consequences. Something I struggle with as I fight my tendencies to explore every angle of a decision before the angst-filled moment of choice. Perhaps that is the separating step...

Or perhaps becoming a man can't be defined in such strict terms. Or at least the growing into it...

I played basketball with my cousins this past winter break. They're a senior and junior in high school and so I've always been the "older" cousin. They now can both match me, heck, work me at the sport I used to call my own. But what struck me was the change that I saw come over my cousins, especially the younger one. Normally a quiet, amiable and friendly, but reticent guy, he changes when the basketball is in his hands. He's what they call, a natural, his movements are fluid, almost ballet like. He and his brother compliment each other as his brother is the workhouse, boxing out and cleaning up. But while his older brother displays a similar determination on and off the court, his countenance shifts. He gets the gleam in his eye. The gleam that says, "yeah, you've done college and all that stuff, but I could totally own you right now." There is a cocky new step, an assurance that he is better than you, it's the gleam that leads a team to win. The gleam tells me that, in the small ways sports can do this, my cousins are stepping over to the side of the men.

This is an idea post... I don't feel like i've tied these thoughts together... but they felt in the same vein.... what do you think?