You will probably hear it before you see it.
If you are listening, amidst the towers, the parking lots, the banks and coffee shops of Makati you will find it.
If you are listening... the sounds of cars, people, & construction will give way to the crowing of a rooster, in the center of the financial & commercial sector of Manila.
And if you are truly listening enough to care you will look up from the ground in front of you and peer beyond the trees growing so perfectly along the roadside and you will the corrugated rooftops of the last slum of Makati.
It stubbornly sits there, wooden creations, a spot, a blemish on the face of the otherwise clean and spotless Makati exterior. Laundry hangs out the windows to dry and an older man lounges on the third floor just in view over the tops of the perfect row of trees, which worked so hard to mask the existence of such a place.
The blemish, meticulously hidden yet betrayed by the cocks crow is there to stay. A miracle in many ways, perhaps God preserving the homes of the few, a symbol of his care for his people in the midst of an unjust opulence. Maybe His judgment, an indictment against the superficiality of Makati's prosperity that is striving to hide the abject poverty that lurks below the surface that is the backbone of the construction of the grand and soaring skyscrapers that tower over the miracle blemish.
And perhaps it, in this moment, is God's word to me... pleading with me to have his eyes and his ears for his people. To listen for his voice, even if by such mundane things as a rooster's crow.
Sunday, September 21, 2008
Monday, September 8, 2008
Ate Luce
This isn't really finished, but I haven't posted in a while... so i'll go ahead and post it for you all. A too short sketch of Ate Luce
----------------------
Amongst the Sari-Sari stores of Botocan most people know of Ate Luce's store. The most variety and the cheapest alcohol make it a common location for all people in Botocan to drop by, sooner or later.
If you were to drop by you would meet a kind but quick, hospitale & sassy mother of two, the central piece of the Sarmiento household who pile into the upstairs of the store every night, all eight of them sharing the space of a small studio apartment in Los Angeles. There's Mom & Dad Sarmiento, Ate Luce and her husband Guya Weng, there are two kids, Dart (short for Dartagnian of Muskateers fame) and Basti (short for Sebastian, though his real name... long story). Finally, Luce's two brothers, Nielsen and Ken, round out the mix. It is a close & loyal family, true to each other & committed to their mutual success.
Luce is always available to talk amidst dealing with customers, caring for Basti, or taking a break to smoke. She is quick to smile and quick to invite you in for some afternoon meryenda or a late dinner; especially if you are an awkward and slightly befuddled American "missionary". She is proud of her brothers, both who are studying at the Polytechnic University of the Philippines and is devoted to her husbands and sons.
"Where were you Daniel?" she chides me after a day away. "Next time you need to eat with us!"
Recently the twinkle has disappeared. One peels back a layer and underneath the quick smile is a sadness, the weight, worry, and anxiety of a mother concerned with the future of her children. Less than a year ago her father had a stroke rendering him unable to continue his work as a mechanic. The household now survives on three jobs, Luce's mother's job washing dishes, Guya Weng's job as a pizza delivery man, and the store. Luce is thinking of going back overseas. She is not sure if she can afford her children's schooling. She loves her kids and wants to make sure that they have opportunities. So she is applying to go back to Japan again. Last time she went as an entertainer. She called her family every day because she missed her family so much. But because of her love for her children, she is willing to leave. To leave for the love of her children, the most tragic love of all.
----------------------
Amongst the Sari-Sari stores of Botocan most people know of Ate Luce's store. The most variety and the cheapest alcohol make it a common location for all people in Botocan to drop by, sooner or later.
If you were to drop by you would meet a kind but quick, hospitale & sassy mother of two, the central piece of the Sarmiento household who pile into the upstairs of the store every night, all eight of them sharing the space of a small studio apartment in Los Angeles. There's Mom & Dad Sarmiento, Ate Luce and her husband Guya Weng, there are two kids, Dart (short for Dartagnian of Muskateers fame) and Basti (short for Sebastian, though his real name... long story). Finally, Luce's two brothers, Nielsen and Ken, round out the mix. It is a close & loyal family, true to each other & committed to their mutual success.
Luce is always available to talk amidst dealing with customers, caring for Basti, or taking a break to smoke. She is quick to smile and quick to invite you in for some afternoon meryenda or a late dinner; especially if you are an awkward and slightly befuddled American "missionary". She is proud of her brothers, both who are studying at the Polytechnic University of the Philippines and is devoted to her husbands and sons.
"Where were you Daniel?" she chides me after a day away. "Next time you need to eat with us!"
Recently the twinkle has disappeared. One peels back a layer and underneath the quick smile is a sadness, the weight, worry, and anxiety of a mother concerned with the future of her children. Less than a year ago her father had a stroke rendering him unable to continue his work as a mechanic. The household now survives on three jobs, Luce's mother's job washing dishes, Guya Weng's job as a pizza delivery man, and the store. Luce is thinking of going back overseas. She is not sure if she can afford her children's schooling. She loves her kids and wants to make sure that they have opportunities. So she is applying to go back to Japan again. Last time she went as an entertainer. She called her family every day because she missed her family so much. But because of her love for her children, she is willing to leave. To leave for the love of her children, the most tragic love of all.
Friday, August 1, 2008
Day Dreaming...
I wake up in the morning. Time for another day of work! I sigh and get out of bed, grab a quick bite to eat and then go to my 8-5 job. It doesn't pay that well, but it keeps food on the table. If I had my choice I would be doing something else, but I don't really know what that would be so until then I am grateful for this job that keeps me going. It is a gift from God.
When I get home I'll either call up some friends to hang out, maybe play a game of chess, or basketball or just hang out. A lot of my neighbors drink, but I try to stay away from too much of that. My weekends are pretty full with church activities, I enjoy worship music so I help with the worship team when I can. I will be leading at the end of this month.
That's my life, I'm happy and God has given me the grace of his salvation. What else could I ask for?
--------------------------
Who is this? Is this me in Los Angeles or Mark in the slums of Botocan?
In the midst of the differences... the similarities are striking.
Thoughts?
When I get home I'll either call up some friends to hang out, maybe play a game of chess, or basketball or just hang out. A lot of my neighbors drink, but I try to stay away from too much of that. My weekends are pretty full with church activities, I enjoy worship music so I help with the worship team when I can. I will be leading at the end of this month.
That's my life, I'm happy and God has given me the grace of his salvation. What else could I ask for?
--------------------------
Who is this? Is this me in Los Angeles or Mark in the slums of Botocan?
In the midst of the differences... the similarities are striking.
Thoughts?
Tuesday, July 29, 2008
Ariel - A Character Sketch
If you were to enter Botocan and weave through the tricycles, the makeshift market, the unclothed kids waiting for the laundry to dry, & turn into an alleyway right before the road veers off to the right-- then you would cross a small bridge covering the "stream" [read: open sewer] that runs through the community. Past the stream you would take a sharp right, cutting between two houses and find yourself in front of a house, the squealing of pigs in the background and face to face with Ariel, the inestimable pig farmer.
Ariel sits in his house watching TV, cracking jokes & talking to those who come by. His wife Luna is usually there as well, if she is not out talking with the neighbors or playing bingo for some pesos. Right behind thehouse they have the pigs, 12 babies right now and one mama sow. They can breed four times a year and sell the babies when they are grown for 2,000 pesos each (approx. $45). Ariel also rents two places out.
When we visit Ariel he always welcomes us in. He loves to talk & loves a good pun, & he has a lot! Quick wit & quick mind, he is a delightful host. I visit with Aaron & since I speak so little Tagalog all I can do is smile & laugh. He always points that out, "daniel, he likes to laugh. That's good, it's the Christian thing to do. " I don't even know how serious he is. They want to invite me over so that I can learn more tagalog, so that I won't rely on Aaron translating for me. Ariel says, "Usually Filipinos are very hospitable, we would give you the very best. But because you're here to experience the life of the poor we will feed you rice and dried fish." He says this in mock seriousness & then laughs. Who knows what I will be fed come thursday night!
Ariel sits in his house watching TV, cracking jokes & talking to those who come by. His wife Luna is usually there as well, if she is not out talking with the neighbors or playing bingo for some pesos. Right behind thehouse they have the pigs, 12 babies right now and one mama sow. They can breed four times a year and sell the babies when they are grown for 2,000 pesos each (approx. $45). Ariel also rents two places out.
When we visit Ariel he always welcomes us in. He loves to talk & loves a good pun, & he has a lot! Quick wit & quick mind, he is a delightful host. I visit with Aaron & since I speak so little Tagalog all I can do is smile & laugh. He always points that out, "daniel, he likes to laugh. That's good, it's the Christian thing to do. " I don't even know how serious he is. They want to invite me over so that I can learn more tagalog, so that I won't rely on Aaron translating for me. Ariel says, "Usually Filipinos are very hospitable, we would give you the very best. But because you're here to experience the life of the poor we will feed you rice and dried fish." He says this in mock seriousness & then laughs. Who knows what I will be fed come thursday night!
Thursday, July 17, 2008
The War of the Roads
Aaron likes to walk...
He must have grown up a 'walker' because not often do I find myself taking public transportation, but rather, we walk. We travel through the city by foot, eschewing the horde of jeepneys, tricycles, motorbikes & taxis, all vying for his piso. And so I walk with him, taking just one Jeepney in th emidst of running errands to three locations, walking over 4 miles.
He has the scars to prove his mileage, right on his calf from a tricycle running into his leg. I can see how as the tricycle taxis whiz around us, their two-stroke engines a sharp staccato, like machine gun fire as they push & shove their way between jeepneys. Jeepneys, who think they are motorcyles cutting in and out of traffic, even into the opposite lane to get ahead, blocking traffic going both ways for a block. Interspersed the lone Toyota Camry (2008!) and Mercedes Benz owned by the rich who somehow keep their vehicles scratch free. Perhaps their windows are bullet and scratch proof. Aaron has told me of a company which rents out bullet proof vehicles for use by the rich, mostly chinese-Filipino familyies, for protection against kidnapping. Some 200 kidnappings a year, some kids getting kidnapped multiple times... routine extortion of money.
Aaron and I continue walking, though we wioll take one Jeepney back towards Botocon, where home is. Bent low in a short seat as we wait for our stop passing money between the driver and the passengers; the driver doling out change with one hand as he drives with the other. Aaron yells out our stop and he swerves to a halt and we continue on our way. Walking.
Aaron likes walking.
He must have grown up a 'walker' because not often do I find myself taking public transportation, but rather, we walk. We travel through the city by foot, eschewing the horde of jeepneys, tricycles, motorbikes & taxis, all vying for his piso. And so I walk with him, taking just one Jeepney in th emidst of running errands to three locations, walking over 4 miles.
He has the scars to prove his mileage, right on his calf from a tricycle running into his leg. I can see how as the tricycle taxis whiz around us, their two-stroke engines a sharp staccato, like machine gun fire as they push & shove their way between jeepneys. Jeepneys, who think they are motorcyles cutting in and out of traffic, even into the opposite lane to get ahead, blocking traffic going both ways for a block. Interspersed the lone Toyota Camry (2008!) and Mercedes Benz owned by the rich who somehow keep their vehicles scratch free. Perhaps their windows are bullet and scratch proof. Aaron has told me of a company which rents out bullet proof vehicles for use by the rich, mostly chinese-Filipino familyies, for protection against kidnapping. Some 200 kidnappings a year, some kids getting kidnapped multiple times... routine extortion of money.
Aaron and I continue walking, though we wioll take one Jeepney back towards Botocon, where home is. Bent low in a short seat as we wait for our stop passing money between the driver and the passengers; the driver doling out change with one hand as he drives with the other. Aaron yells out our stop and he swerves to a halt and we continue on our way. Walking.
Aaron likes walking.
Tuesday, July 8, 2008
24 hour count down
Here is a prayer request e-mail I sent out. If you would like to receive updates by e-mail of my time in the Philippines let me know!
-------------------------------
Hey everyone! At this time tomorrow I'll be standing in LAX, waiting in line to check baggage in for my flight to the Philippines! It has been a whirlwind month and a half as I've pursued this opportunity to return overseas. I remember when I first began considering going to the Philippines an option. It was actually pretty exciting for me to even consider going back overseas. As I began to pursue going as an option, I was blessed to have different things fall into place without too much in the way of any problems. I see it as God opening doors.
As the day of departure looms I sense in myself that the initial excitement has passed and has been replaced with the reality of going as well as a deeper hope in what God seems to be doing in my own soul and spirit. As I have lived out the past month, the purpose for this journey and trip has shifted slightly. Where before it was primarily a "fleece" to test to see if I should go overseas (e.g. "God, i'm in the Philippines. If you're calling me here, you can tell me now!") now I am seeing it as a time to sit and listen to what it is that God actually wants me to hear. And more than anything, I want to be able to return to the U.S. with the voice of God being the primary voice I hear, rather than my friends (though I love all of you!), family, or --as is most often the case-- my own voice, which often speaks words of indecision, comparision, angst, and fear of failure!
All that said, below are some ways I can see you all praying for me! I'll bold it, for all of you who wanted to get to the meaty stuff and just skimmed up to this point. ;)
My posture coming in: Pray that I would be able to come in, not as a doer, but as a Learner, a servant, an intercessor and a friend. These are the roles that the internship encourages and I know that as I focus on learning from the people already there, putting things before God, and focusing on relationship, that I will receive the most.
Sarah and I: This will be the longest Sarah and I have been apart since we started dating. :( Please pray for a mutual trust and intentionality and care for each other as we explore God's calling in our lives in two very different areas.
A sensitivity to God's voice: Most important to me is that I would continue to grow in a sensitivity to God's voice and a trust in His guidance in my life. That I would trust in His sovereignty as well as His grace and love.
Okay, I'm not sure how often I will be able to write these, so here is what I know for now. I'll try to e-mail later with contact information and updates but I make no promises! :) Thank you all, again for your care for my life. I appreciate that this group represents a cross section of my life that includes Thailand, Oxy, InterVarsity, and Fuller. God has truly blessed me with good friends.
Take care and blessings,
Daniel
-------------------------------
Hey everyone! At this time tomorrow I'll be standing in LAX, waiting in line to check baggage in for my flight to the Philippines! It has been a whirlwind month and a half as I've pursued this opportunity to return overseas. I remember when I first began considering going to the Philippines an option. It was actually pretty exciting for me to even consider going back overseas. As I began to pursue going as an option, I was blessed to have different things fall into place without too much in the way of any problems. I see it as God opening doors.
As the day of departure looms I sense in myself that the initial excitement has passed and has been replaced with the reality of going as well as a deeper hope in what God seems to be doing in my own soul and spirit. As I have lived out the past month, the purpose for this journey and trip has shifted slightly. Where before it was primarily a "fleece" to test to see if I should go overseas (e.g. "God, i'm in the Philippines. If you're calling me here, you can tell me now!") now I am seeing it as a time to sit and listen to what it is that God actually wants me to hear. And more than anything, I want to be able to return to the U.S. with the voice of God being the primary voice I hear, rather than my friends (though I love all of you!), family, or --as is most often the case-- my own voice, which often speaks words of indecision, comparision, angst, and fear of failure!
All that said, below are some ways I can see you all praying for me! I'll bold it, for all of you who wanted to get to the meaty stuff and just skimmed up to this point. ;)
My posture coming in: Pray that I would be able to come in, not as a doer, but as a Learner, a servant, an intercessor and a friend. These are the roles that the internship encourages and I know that as I focus on learning from the people already there, putting things before God, and focusing on relationship, that I will receive the most.
Sarah and I: This will be the longest Sarah and I have been apart since we started dating. :( Please pray for a mutual trust and intentionality and care for each other as we explore God's calling in our lives in two very different areas.
A sensitivity to God's voice: Most important to me is that I would continue to grow in a sensitivity to God's voice and a trust in His guidance in my life. That I would trust in His sovereignty as well as His grace and love.
Okay, I'm not sure how often I will be able to write these, so here is what I know for now. I'll try to e-mail later with contact information and updates but I make no promises! :) Thank you all, again for your care for my life. I appreciate that this group represents a cross section of my life that includes Thailand, Oxy, InterVarsity, and Fuller. God has truly blessed me with good friends.
Take care and blessings,
Daniel
Tuesday, July 1, 2008
The count down begins
Nine days until leaving. The Lord is at work in my life and I sit in that truth as I prepare to go!
So much has been swirling through my head and heart the past few days. But reading my friend's posts the past few days has definitely challenged me and encouraged me to write!
Yesterday I had about 10 people over at my house to pray for me as I prepared to leave. We gave a little space to listen to God and people begin praying. I have to say that every prayer that was prayed resonated in a specific way and I realized at that moment the blessing of having community come around you, see you and lift up petitions on your behalf before God.
I feel covered by prayer and ready to go.
I am ready to go and receive. I am realizing how much deeper my confidence in God needs to press into my soul, that I would have a freedom in my life to know that God, in his sovereignty, has my best in mind and as a wise mentor has reminded me, I can't f-- it up. There's a lot in that statement that is still very difficult for me to believe. And in that fear of making mistakes I abdicate to the opinions and desires and vision of other people to the point where my own desires and vision is masked, repressed and lost. Perhaps Manila will be nothing but sitting and letting those deep things float upwards. And if it is nothing but that, I will come back content and satisfied, proclaiming the goodness of God.
Pray that over me my friends.
---------------------------
Notice a new blog on the left bar called "moments". It's a blog of Steph Wong's past year teaching. It comes to you highly recommended!
So much has been swirling through my head and heart the past few days. But reading my friend's posts the past few days has definitely challenged me and encouraged me to write!
Yesterday I had about 10 people over at my house to pray for me as I prepared to leave. We gave a little space to listen to God and people begin praying. I have to say that every prayer that was prayed resonated in a specific way and I realized at that moment the blessing of having community come around you, see you and lift up petitions on your behalf before God.
I feel covered by prayer and ready to go.
I am ready to go and receive. I am realizing how much deeper my confidence in God needs to press into my soul, that I would have a freedom in my life to know that God, in his sovereignty, has my best in mind and as a wise mentor has reminded me, I can't f-- it up. There's a lot in that statement that is still very difficult for me to believe. And in that fear of making mistakes I abdicate to the opinions and desires and vision of other people to the point where my own desires and vision is masked, repressed and lost. Perhaps Manila will be nothing but sitting and letting those deep things float upwards. And if it is nothing but that, I will come back content and satisfied, proclaiming the goodness of God.
Pray that over me my friends.
---------------------------
Notice a new blog on the left bar called "moments". It's a blog of Steph Wong's past year teaching. It comes to you highly recommended!
Thursday, June 5, 2008
Shout Out to Joseph Study
Today I worked on a devotional for our staff team using Genesis 39:20-23 (page 96.9-14 for the LoJ folk) where God has favor on Joseph in jail. I'm primarily reflecting on Joseph's 'hopeful activity'--how Joseph neither falls into mindless work or into spiritual fatalism. As I've reflected on the past few weeks and how difficult it has been for me to work at Fuller I'm convicted of my own need to work hard in the situation that I am in and trust God's hand and movement in that, even as I dream of moving from this situation onto something new.
Then I looked at today's Dilbert comic and laughed... hopefully this is what I'm avoiding.
Then I looked at today's Dilbert comic and laughed... hopefully this is what I'm avoiding.
Friday, May 30, 2008
Where do you sit in class?
Which one were you in college?Which one was I?
I know which one I was... any guesses out there?
Friday, May 23, 2008
Success! I've been seen by Google!
Well, my life is officially complete. My glorious automobile, "Rusty" (christened by Bethany) was captured by a Google Streetview Car. I can now rest happy.
View Larger Map
It is a bit of a surreal experience to say the least. To be known on the internet... even if no one else cares! :D
View Larger Map
It is a bit of a surreal experience to say the least. To be known on the internet... even if no one else cares! :D
Wednesday, May 21, 2008
The reality of the quake
It's like rain on your wedding day... or an earthquake. This blog post jolted me into the reality that, yes, no one was expecting the earthquake in Sichuan.
Craziness
HT: Kottke.org
Craziness
HT: Kottke.org
Tuesday, May 20, 2008
Graduation 2008
They have done it! Class of 2008, in all of their glory. ;)
What would this class be without a crazy picture eh? A few more graduation pix are online here and I'm sure there are gads on facebook.
I went to the ceremony in time to see all of the students walk and I actually can say I enjoyed it. Having been out of college for a couple years now, the symbolism of that journey across the stage into life post-Oxy has taken on new meaning. It is the entrance into a new world with new possibilities, fears, and adventures.
And in some ways, this was my graduation too. As I have made the decision to move on from my time here at Oxy and into the post-InterVarsity world I wonder what possibilities, fears, and adventures I will have lined up for me. Coming out of the last student conference I will be at in a long while, I feel tired, and yet I am excited for the potential of things to come. Who knows what is ahead? I, for one, am not sure. All I know is that I feel privileged to get to 'graduate' alongside such an inestimable group of people! :)
What would this class be without a crazy picture eh? A few more graduation pix are online here and I'm sure there are gads on facebook.
I went to the ceremony in time to see all of the students walk and I actually can say I enjoyed it. Having been out of college for a couple years now, the symbolism of that journey across the stage into life post-Oxy has taken on new meaning. It is the entrance into a new world with new possibilities, fears, and adventures.
And in some ways, this was my graduation too. As I have made the decision to move on from my time here at Oxy and into the post-InterVarsity world I wonder what possibilities, fears, and adventures I will have lined up for me. Coming out of the last student conference I will be at in a long while, I feel tired, and yet I am excited for the potential of things to come. Who knows what is ahead? I, for one, am not sure. All I know is that I feel privileged to get to 'graduate' alongside such an inestimable group of people! :)
Thursday, May 8, 2008
How many countries can you name?
Another distraction in a string of geographically related trivial moments. Thank God for my work place! Let's see what y'all can get!
108
I find this kind of stuff magnificently distracting. I tried to go off the Animaniacs song in my head (the countries of the world). Any other strategies out there?
108
I find this kind of stuff magnificently distracting. I tried to go off the Animaniacs song in my head (the countries of the world). Any other strategies out there?
Thursday, April 24, 2008
blip
I've added a link to some of the blogs I read. It's slightly redundant for some of you (he he) but I wanted to direct people to other people who are living out/or striving to live out the beliefs they hold, the truths they see.
All the blogs are excellent, but special mention to mongologs... i read his blog and he accomplishes what I desire to accomplish, that is to capture those moments of clarity amidst ambiguity, better than I could aspire to do.
All the blogs are excellent, but special mention to mongologs... i read his blog and he accomplishes what I desire to accomplish, that is to capture those moments of clarity amidst ambiguity, better than I could aspire to do.
Monday, March 31, 2008
25% over
I want to blog tonight. Unless you think I'm innately interesting, don't read this!
It's march 31st, I've only blogged four times and the year is 25% over. I feel lame. I 'got busy' last month. Events, life, relationships... let's just say that there wasn't much space for any rumination or reflection in my life, even plain old rest.
And the year is a quarter over.
I have a bad habit of thinking of things in negative terms. I think about what is gone as opposed to what is to come. I guess that makes me a pessimist.
I'm thinking about staff work with InterVarsity right now. I don't know if pessimists make good staff workers. I don't know if we have the idealistic vision, the faith in God's hand, and the stubbornness of spirit (we might have that... in a pessimistic sort of way) to lead student movements. I wonder... I wonder... but on some level I love what I do. I love getting a chance to show people Jesus' plan, Jesus' invitation, Jesus' challenge at such a critical junction in their life. It is an amazing experience.
I lead a track for Multi-ethnic students this past Saturday at IVs ethnic identity and spirituality day conference (we called it Kingdom Identity). It was a lot of fun and I enjoyed facilitating discussions and sharing from my own life and watching God interact with students over their understandings of themselves.
I know I have passions. what are they? the question I have been asking for over four years now and still feel like I haven't answered. What are my passions? How does one find these things out? I have but vague ideas.
Well, at least I have the rest of the year to figure it out right? It will be over before I know it!
It's march 31st, I've only blogged four times and the year is 25% over. I feel lame. I 'got busy' last month. Events, life, relationships... let's just say that there wasn't much space for any rumination or reflection in my life, even plain old rest.
And the year is a quarter over.
I have a bad habit of thinking of things in negative terms. I think about what is gone as opposed to what is to come. I guess that makes me a pessimist.
I'm thinking about staff work with InterVarsity right now. I don't know if pessimists make good staff workers. I don't know if we have the idealistic vision, the faith in God's hand, and the stubbornness of spirit (we might have that... in a pessimistic sort of way) to lead student movements. I wonder... I wonder... but on some level I love what I do. I love getting a chance to show people Jesus' plan, Jesus' invitation, Jesus' challenge at such a critical junction in their life. It is an amazing experience.
I lead a track for Multi-ethnic students this past Saturday at IVs ethnic identity and spirituality day conference (we called it Kingdom Identity). It was a lot of fun and I enjoyed facilitating discussions and sharing from my own life and watching God interact with students over their understandings of themselves.
I know I have passions. what are they? the question I have been asking for over four years now and still feel like I haven't answered. What are my passions? How does one find these things out? I have but vague ideas.
Well, at least I have the rest of the year to figure it out right? It will be over before I know it!
Friday, February 22, 2008
Adrenaline Addiction
Just finished a 60 hour work week. And no, I'm not including InterVarsity and, actually, I'm not including lunch breaks. The School of Psychology just finished its largest event of the year, the Integration Symposium and I'm wiped.
Actually, I know I'm tired, but I don't feel tired yet. Yes, the ever-pleasant and delightful 'adrenaline rush' is what I'm still experiencing. I worry about how my body will respond tomorrow when there is suddenly so much less work to do, will I crash? [and on a complete tangent, do you all remember how "adrenal glands" made your zerglings go friggin crazy fast?]
I don't think that I have tapped into the adrenaline reserves this deep since I was in college, and I am surprised to remember how addictive it is! I forgot how good it feels to have your mind completely clear and ready to go at the end of an 11 hour day. Knowing that if you tried to rest right now, your brain would be moving at a mile a minute. I remember how I used to feed off of this. I would eat adrenaline.
When I first began interning, my supervisor, Elizabeth, pushed the disciplines of the Sabbath rest and of daily rest in supervising me. What was hard about that, at first, was that taking sabbath rest cuts you off from the Adrenaline diet. It forces you to need normal amounts of sleep and get appropriate rest. And so first I fought against it! It wasn't until I took a prayer retreat halfway through my first intern year that I realized how instable (and unhealthy) the adrenaline diet is. As I tried to pray and rest, my body showed how empty it was! Sabbath rest is now an important part of my life.
And so I reflect on rest, more for my own memories sake. To remind me not to get back on the adrenaline diet. I need good rhythms of rest and work... I need to be nourished by God's presence in my life, an altogether different and much more sustaining diet than Adrenaline.
Actually, I know I'm tired, but I don't feel tired yet. Yes, the ever-pleasant and delightful 'adrenaline rush' is what I'm still experiencing. I worry about how my body will respond tomorrow when there is suddenly so much less work to do, will I crash? [and on a complete tangent, do you all remember how "adrenal glands" made your zerglings go friggin crazy fast?]
I don't think that I have tapped into the adrenaline reserves this deep since I was in college, and I am surprised to remember how addictive it is! I forgot how good it feels to have your mind completely clear and ready to go at the end of an 11 hour day. Knowing that if you tried to rest right now, your brain would be moving at a mile a minute. I remember how I used to feed off of this. I would eat adrenaline.
When I first began interning, my supervisor, Elizabeth, pushed the disciplines of the Sabbath rest and of daily rest in supervising me. What was hard about that, at first, was that taking sabbath rest cuts you off from the Adrenaline diet. It forces you to need normal amounts of sleep and get appropriate rest. And so first I fought against it! It wasn't until I took a prayer retreat halfway through my first intern year that I realized how instable (and unhealthy) the adrenaline diet is. As I tried to pray and rest, my body showed how empty it was! Sabbath rest is now an important part of my life.
And so I reflect on rest, more for my own memories sake. To remind me not to get back on the adrenaline diet. I need good rhythms of rest and work... I need to be nourished by God's presence in my life, an altogether different and much more sustaining diet than Adrenaline.
Friday, February 1, 2008
What separates the boys from the men
I played volleyball in high school under the severe tutelage of Coach John Marc. He was a funny Canadian man, born and raised in Cote D'voire and moved to Thailand to teach. He worked us and in the late hours of practice as our dives and serves became half-hearted he would intone, "come on guys, this is what separates the boys from the men!".
What really does separate the boys from the men? I was sent a link to an NPR broadcast yesterday about "young men stuck in adolescent limbo". The author intoned that men these days "linger -- happily-- in a new hybrid state of semi-hormonal adolescence and responsible self-reliance." Namely, they have the freedom to do what they want, and they, well, do what they want. The writer desired to see men "grow up", raise a family, learn to take real responsibility. In her mind that is what separates the boys from the men. In some ways I agreed with the thrust of the article. I see men who cling to 'freedom' and I observe a society that allows them to do that (encourages it even). While I don't think getting married solves the problem (!!!) I do see a difference between my friends who are getting married earlier and later, esp. as I think about their maturity in decision making. It's a decision that can mark a separation 'between the boys and the men'.
I'm learning that perhaps being a man involves the will to make decisions and to live with the consequences. Something I struggle with as I fight my tendencies to explore every angle of a decision before the angst-filled moment of choice. Perhaps that is the separating step...
Or perhaps becoming a man can't be defined in such strict terms. Or at least the growing into it...
I played basketball with my cousins this past winter break. They're a senior and junior in high school and so I've always been the "older" cousin. They now can both match me, heck, work me at the sport I used to call my own. But what struck me was the change that I saw come over my cousins, especially the younger one. Normally a quiet, amiable and friendly, but reticent guy, he changes when the basketball is in his hands. He's what they call, a natural, his movements are fluid, almost ballet like. He and his brother compliment each other as his brother is the workhouse, boxing out and cleaning up. But while his older brother displays a similar determination on and off the court, his countenance shifts. He gets the gleam in his eye. The gleam that says, "yeah, you've done college and all that stuff, but I could totally own you right now." There is a cocky new step, an assurance that he is better than you, it's the gleam that leads a team to win. The gleam tells me that, in the small ways sports can do this, my cousins are stepping over to the side of the men.
This is an idea post... I don't feel like i've tied these thoughts together... but they felt in the same vein.... what do you think?
What really does separate the boys from the men? I was sent a link to an NPR broadcast yesterday about "young men stuck in adolescent limbo". The author intoned that men these days "linger -- happily-- in a new hybrid state of semi-hormonal adolescence and responsible self-reliance." Namely, they have the freedom to do what they want, and they, well, do what they want. The writer desired to see men "grow up", raise a family, learn to take real responsibility. In her mind that is what separates the boys from the men. In some ways I agreed with the thrust of the article. I see men who cling to 'freedom' and I observe a society that allows them to do that (encourages it even). While I don't think getting married solves the problem (!!!) I do see a difference between my friends who are getting married earlier and later, esp. as I think about their maturity in decision making. It's a decision that can mark a separation 'between the boys and the men'.
I'm learning that perhaps being a man involves the will to make decisions and to live with the consequences. Something I struggle with as I fight my tendencies to explore every angle of a decision before the angst-filled moment of choice. Perhaps that is the separating step...
Or perhaps becoming a man can't be defined in such strict terms. Or at least the growing into it...
I played basketball with my cousins this past winter break. They're a senior and junior in high school and so I've always been the "older" cousin. They now can both match me, heck, work me at the sport I used to call my own. But what struck me was the change that I saw come over my cousins, especially the younger one. Normally a quiet, amiable and friendly, but reticent guy, he changes when the basketball is in his hands. He's what they call, a natural, his movements are fluid, almost ballet like. He and his brother compliment each other as his brother is the workhouse, boxing out and cleaning up. But while his older brother displays a similar determination on and off the court, his countenance shifts. He gets the gleam in his eye. The gleam that says, "yeah, you've done college and all that stuff, but I could totally own you right now." There is a cocky new step, an assurance that he is better than you, it's the gleam that leads a team to win. The gleam tells me that, in the small ways sports can do this, my cousins are stepping over to the side of the men.
This is an idea post... I don't feel like i've tied these thoughts together... but they felt in the same vein.... what do you think?
Friday, January 25, 2008
Straddling the present: A foot in the past and one in the future
I went 'home' for Christmas. Home is itself a transient location, packing up bags and following my parents wherever they are. So this Christmas home was in Thailand. It was good to go to this home, a place of many memories and thoughts.
I am narcistically amused at myself in Thailand as I am catapulted back into the world of my high school days and I try to act grown up within that context. I laugh at myself as I interact with old friends, talk about days gone by, and try to find things to do besides go to movies, eat food, and hang out in malls.... like we did in high school. I had never thought about how places and the experiences that formed those places push certain expectations upon you.
I went to a reunion of sorts, on top of a hotel by the river to celebrate new years. These friends had stayed in touch and were still close, probably closer in some ways than the friends they had all made in college. Not my experience and yet I found myself drawn back into the world they had always lived in. It was nostalgic for me, yet present for them. I come back the one looking the same on the outside, yet feeling different in temperament, cares, concerns, person. How to interact?
I visited lexie keller in Bangkok to and saw into the future. Lexie is working with Servant Partners and has planted herself in the Bangkapi slums, living incarnationally. She has intentionally relocated to Thailand with the goal of long term ministry to the Thai people. When I hung out with her, she had only been in Thailand for a month, a lifetime in her new 'home' ahead of her. I envied her sense of purpose while I was encouraged by her zeal and faith in a God that works. The future... a future I don't usually experience in the 'home' of my past. But I guess 'home' will always be associated with past, until home does not pack bags and move with the fam... when home is where I plant myself.
I connected with an old friend who is moving to Turkey soon as a lifetime minister w/ AOG. Making new homes, the future.
I wonder what future is in store for me, what homes I will create, leave, plant, and thrive in? I wait expectantly as God begins to unveil these things.
I am narcistically amused at myself in Thailand as I am catapulted back into the world of my high school days and I try to act grown up within that context. I laugh at myself as I interact with old friends, talk about days gone by, and try to find things to do besides go to movies, eat food, and hang out in malls.... like we did in high school. I had never thought about how places and the experiences that formed those places push certain expectations upon you.
I went to a reunion of sorts, on top of a hotel by the river to celebrate new years. These friends had stayed in touch and were still close, probably closer in some ways than the friends they had all made in college. Not my experience and yet I found myself drawn back into the world they had always lived in. It was nostalgic for me, yet present for them. I come back the one looking the same on the outside, yet feeling different in temperament, cares, concerns, person. How to interact?
I visited lexie keller in Bangkok to and saw into the future. Lexie is working with Servant Partners and has planted herself in the Bangkapi slums, living incarnationally. She has intentionally relocated to Thailand with the goal of long term ministry to the Thai people. When I hung out with her, she had only been in Thailand for a month, a lifetime in her new 'home' ahead of her. I envied her sense of purpose while I was encouraged by her zeal and faith in a God that works. The future... a future I don't usually experience in the 'home' of my past. But I guess 'home' will always be associated with past, until home does not pack bags and move with the fam... when home is where I plant myself.
I connected with an old friend who is moving to Turkey soon as a lifetime minister w/ AOG. Making new homes, the future.
I wonder what future is in store for me, what homes I will create, leave, plant, and thrive in? I wait expectantly as God begins to unveil these things.
Sunday, January 13, 2008
New Beginnings
After many years of loyal xanga blogging, I've finally decided that it's time to start again.
I have a bad habit. I have moments where I see something, I hear something that makes me think. But I'm a lazy thinker and so I don't let myself really reflect on what it is that I am realizing. So this blog is going to be a place to let those thoughts unravel, unfold... and come to whatever end they will, either inane or insightful.
I find that the truth often is in the cracks between the maxims by which I interpret and live my life. Truth, in some ways, is too strong a word. Perhaps reflection is a better posture of seeking things out.
Well, let's see how this goes... along with reflections will probably be dilbert cameos amongst other things. cheers!
I have a bad habit. I have moments where I see something, I hear something that makes me think. But I'm a lazy thinker and so I don't let myself really reflect on what it is that I am realizing. So this blog is going to be a place to let those thoughts unravel, unfold... and come to whatever end they will, either inane or insightful.
I find that the truth often is in the cracks between the maxims by which I interpret and live my life. Truth, in some ways, is too strong a word. Perhaps reflection is a better posture of seeking things out.
Well, let's see how this goes... along with reflections will probably be dilbert cameos amongst other things. cheers!
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