Ephemeral Truth

Stopping and Going

2009-09-24T16:29:00.000-07:00

Stopping is a difficult discipline.

Resting is also a difficult discipline.

I live an unsustainable life. God is making that clear. I'm like a fusion of the Tortoise and the Hare.

In that classic Aesop's fable, the Tortoise and the Hare have a race which the hare knows he can't lose. So every time he loses sight of the tortoise he takes a nap. But because he is lazy, the tortoise, who has been steadily plodding along the entire time wins! The moral? Slow and steady wins the race. Eugene Peterson alludes to a similar reality in his book title, "A Long Obedience in the Same Direction" where he challenges believers to have the long term view of discipleship and growth.

This is a great message! Unless, of course, you are me... because it then becomes "slow and steady wins the race" and "speedily never stopping must be even better"! And so I find myself living a frenetic life that never... stops. Until I crash that is! ;)

Both images are flawed if applied to our spiritual growth, I feel. One (the Hare) ascribes to a sprint methodology, living off of spiritual highs, a roller-coaster faith that is always wildly swinging between extremes. The other (the Tortoise) plods forward, driven by the need for sanctification, but making no space to stop, to rest, ultimately crashing, like the hare, only later and harder.

What is a better image for the appropriate rhythms of life, that neither fall into a "hare-like" sprinting and crashing or a "tortoise-like" driven-ness?

Thoughts?

In a Bangkok Redlight District

2009-06-11T11:51:00.000-07:00

This poem was birthed from an experience I had prayer walking in Patpong. As we exited onto Silom road, I saw this young girl, with her mom.

Some of our team this summer will be going into the redlight districts with Nightlight. Be praying for them as they try to bring Jesus' love into some of the darkest places of the city.
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In a Bangkok Redlight District

She is barely five—or six?

When I catch sight of her…

Walking

hand grasping the hand that

Pulls

her behind her mother

Weaving

through the streets

surrounded

by Darkness

encroaching upon her red summer dress.

Colorless people shove their way through

crowds

of tourists throwing their money

away for a trinket

high priced ornaments

to take home and put on coffee tables

and fire places

and hang on walls

as the red lights above

blink and

swirl and

invite

you to the show

Inside.

The young girl blankly stares

Lost in the throngs

Of people

Red dress and Red lights

her innocence

surrounded by

decadence that threatens to

swallow

her

but

she does not know, and so it can’t.

not as long

as that hand that holds her

does not let go.

I hope it will never let her go.

Tom Robbins on Bangkok

2009-06-08T17:21:00.000-07:00

"Simultaneously a frantic, high-tech juggernaut and a timeless Asian dream, Bangkok straddles like no other metropolis the boundary between acrid and sweet, soft and hard, sacred and profane. It’s a silk buzz saw, a lacquered jackhammer, a steel-belted seduction, a digital prayer. Its numerous temples and shrines are obscured by clouds of mephtic exhaust, its countless vices and crimes by smiles of tender delight; and through it all, Bangkok manages to maintain the most graceful balance, a grace no less genuine for being well-rehearsed and no less pure for being supported by con men and whores."

- Tom Robbins (Villa Incognito)

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For those of you who don't know Tom Robbins, this post-hippie writer spent much time in Thailand and out of this time spawned a number of books. In my creative writing class, he was recommended to me after I read some pieces that included my experiences in Bangkok. I decided to look him up online and ran across this quote from one of his books which struck me as a profound (if secular) view on the paradoxical nature of Bangkok.

Bangkok is a nation of smoke and mirrors, the land of smiles masking (as he says) vices and crimes in the form of political corruption, human trafficking, massive pollution and prostitution.
And so it is that Bangkok draws people escaping from pain into a place where Hedonism brings meaning. Or at least that is what "Bangkok" represents to the west.

What do I hope to see? This summer I hope to press in and discover who actually lives, breathes and works, beneath the gilded exterior that is promoted to the rest of the world. How do they live? How do they interact with the dual reality that is Bangkok? What does justice and shalom speak prophetically with judgment and hope to a well-rehearsed grace, that is ingenuous and supported by con artists and whores...

Bangok 09: Thoughts

2009-06-03T17:13:00.001-07:00

"Thai history compresses what happened in the US in 100 years into 10!"

This was my U.S. History teacher's favorite piece of wisdom and insight and he had us map and compare the country we all lived in (Thailand) against the country we were studying (USA) all year long. And it was true! The industrial revolution took place in a decade in Bangkok, dizzying growth, exports, economic gain. When I arrived as a 4 year old in 1988 one of the tallest buildings was the six story YMCA. Go back down Sathorn road and you won't even see it! It's still there, hidden behind all of the 40+ story buildings around it. The old and new would clash in urban Bangkok, temples against sky rises as the country grew by leaps and bounds.

But in 1997 the Asian Financial Crisis hit, and in 2001 the war on terrorism caused new tension with the Muslim south, then the coup, now political turmoil and most recently the recent Global Recession... what is happening in Thailand?

The country has seemed to fade a bit. The height of its popularity being the mid-90s when all was well for the country. And now it is another South East Asian post-industrialization, still developing, nation.

Without God

Still

after 150 years of Christianity in the country.

Why God, have you not moved in Thailand like we would hope? And if you are... where is it? These are the questions I am going to Thailand asking along with one critical third question: What is my role?

So tell me what you think. What do you think of where Thailand stands? Is the country on the verge of crumbling, or is God doing something new/unseen that I have yet to discover.

More specifically, what role will Bangkok, the capital city and economic hub, play in the economic and spiritual revival of the country as a whole?

Let me know!

Sunsets...

2009-06-01T11:40:00.000-07:00

I love sunsets... the beauty of the fading light leaves me breathless and so when I was asked to do a poetic self-portrait for a class, this is what came out of that time. Sunsets which link the different places I've been and the ways in which God speaks peace to me through those places.

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When I get the time

to watch the sun fade

behind the houses & hills of LA

The glimmers of light

stretching

across

the sky in yellow fading to purple

And I remember similar glowing colors

watching the skyline in Bangkok Thailand

As I would walk through the city

And cross over the

city streets

cars speeding by

below,

away, to the east

away from the rich display of sunlight,

fading,

refracting,

bouncing off of

noxious gas molecules and pollution

that for one moment unlock

a deeper,

more vibrant

beauty

in the fading sun.

And I stand in awe, sweat staining my back as I trudge through the city of my youth.

And I remember similar glowing colors

sitting atop a squatter community in Manila Philippines

With towering cumulonimbus clouds

forcing the

Sun's rays around them,

so that the light spills

through

every

crack

and

crevice

as it flows towards the dark east,

changing through

every color

of the

Rainbow.

And I sit, and God tells me,

"this is where you should be."

New Eyes, New Vision

2009-04-23T20:54:00.000-07:00

New Eyes result in new vision.

New eyes is Dorothy's green tinted glasses as she finally enters the emerald city. It is Tom Cruise's new implant as he runs, a fugitive in Minority Report. It is Neo waking up and using his real eyes for the very first time.

When you are given new eyes it brings new perspective. You look out at an object, person, place, experience and see it anew. Different aspects, different wrinkles and creases pop out to you. And you form new opinions and ultimately new vision.

I'm going through an "new eyes" experience right now as I prepare to return to Bangkok Thailand this coming June 16th. I'm helping to lead a Global Trek for InterVarsity. For those of you who want more information my prayer letter is here.

I go back to Thailand with new eyes for the first time. Going to Thailand has meant "going home" and "going on vacation" for my entire life. But going for ministry? This is new. This will be a new view of the country. A new perspective. And especially it will be a new opportunity to listen to God's voice fresh. I want to know if I'm called to go back to this place one day. I want to see the Thai people the way God sees the Thai people, not just as the people who populated the habitat of my growing years. I want to grow in compassion, love, and vision for Thailand. I want to capture God's vision.

That should always be our goal. To be granted to see things through Jesus' eyes. And perhaps this is the process of spiritual growth and formation. Forming our minds eye and spirit's eye to see what our Jesus sees.

Right now I'm taking a creative writing class and exploring using my five senses to capture image and character and story. And I'm seeing things new. Perhaps the next discipline is to take these things I'm learning and submit them to the tutelage of the Holy Spirit.

Be praying for me!

I plan on posting more on Thailand as I prepare for the trip. Keep posted!

The Odd Economy of the Creative

2009-04-15T23:23:00.000-07:00

I was told that my last blog was lame. But I was forgiven. Thank you blogging community! With that fresh start let me talk a little bit about something that I have met face first this week.

writer's block

I was supposed to write a monologue for my creative writing course. I enrolled in this course (at PCC) to give me an outlet and structure for working on my writing. And so far it had done its job well. Until this project.

I had set aside 3 and a half hours on Monday to work on my monologue, for which I had 3 or 4 ideas. Three hours later I had four sentences written, none which I liked.

So the next day found me, again, setting aside three hours for this project. After which I still had nothing, but instead fell asleep on my couch, pen in hand. I panicked.

So today at work I set aside time to work on this project and sentence by painful sentence constructed half a page of text. That I didn't like.

I was stuck.

And so I did what I knew I had to do. I threw it all out.

And the next idea that popped in my head I ran with, and had a rough draft in 25 minutes.

And so I am left realizing that the economy of the creative is an odd economy. Hours of work are necessary, but do not guarantee success. And in the end all it takes is one idea.

I don't usually work well in this economy. It is an economy of serendipity, of chance, of moment, of grace. I like the time I clock in to count. And when it doesn't I quickly spiral out. And it gives me pause to think and wonder if perhaps I can learn something small from the economy of the creative.

Blog Fail (not to be confused with failblog)

2009-04-13T21:48:00.000-07:00

Blog Fail, to fail at blogging.

It shouldn't be that hard, to blog twice a month. But here I find myself, halfway into April and nothing to be said for March.

How did it come to this? I know not, but I come and ask for penance from my blogging peers and beg that you allow me a chance to catch my breath and put the pen to paper, finger to keys, once again.

Thank you!

Looking out the window

2009-03-02T17:06:00.000-08:00

The Dean of the School of Psychology came up to the third floor last week. Giving the rare presentation to students he left his corner, 1st floor office and found himself peering into my small shared office.

"How are things up here?" He asked. We shrugged and mumbled some string of words expressing our relative okay-ness.

"Wow, you guys sure have the view!"

We nodded, because you are supposed to agree with the Dean of the School of Psychology and smiled.

Usually Janneke (my coworker) and I feel bad for ourselves, alone on the third floor. The rest of the staff team on the 1st floor. The physical distance is difficult and isolating. But the consistent staring at papers, documents, and especially computer screens has left me ignoring the window.

Being on the third floor means a view over towards North East Pasadena, the hills in the background. And as I look now I can see the mountains behind, the air cleared up by all of the rain. Clouds are gliding across the sky in numbers, tracing patterns Los Angeles usually is not blessed to see.

The wind is carrying them into the east and I sit, behind sealed windows, for once enjoying their slow, peaceful and inexorable movement away from me. This picture is one I don't usually enjoy. I take neither the time nor the energy to sit and watch. In the midst of my frenetic and harried work days looking out the window either feels wasteful or a mockery of my place in front of screen glare and the physical bureaucracy of paperwork.

The sun continues to set and the clouds lose their brilliance, at least for now. Until tomorrow, as long as the rain lingers and the sky will again light up with beauty from the interplay of light and dark, clouds and sky. And I will continue to watch from behind sealed windows. I will sit and watch and wonder whether to feel the somber loss of my sterile environment or sit in thankfulness that I get to see anything at all.

Telling the Story

2009-02-04T12:32:00.000-08:00

This post was inspired by a talk by Ira Glass [hattip: Kottke.org] I listened to at work today. Ira Glass is the host of this American Life, the most listened to podcast on the internet currently, an amazing story teller and one of the most articulate people I've heard on the art of story telling.

Listen to the lecture, it is interesting and engaging, and full of great tips on telling a good story. But one thing he says is how telling a story is two fold. The first is the actual narrative of the story. The process of "first I did this, and then this, and so this happened, and in the end this." The second is connecting the story to a larger, more universal theme... the part that makes the story have meaning and resonance for more than the one person who told it.

In the Christian circles I find myself running in (and I often do run in circles), this is called the action/reflection cycle. The fact that we must act, then we must reflect. That the process of reflection is as important as the action that proceeds it. It is within that space that we allow God to speak and to unveil meaning, direction and insight.

Where I think we can learn, is often we reflect so quickly in our pursuit of God's voice, that we turn our experiences into trite life lessons, where we learn patience, love, trust and faith all in quick succession. I remember sitting with my family as a child doing evening devotions. Dad would get out the "One-year devotional for Teens!" (notice the exclamation point... it helps make the bible more interesting and exciting for teenagers and instantly rids them of all their angst) and we as a family would read a story about a young girl or boy, who was lied to by a friend at school. Her mother will sit her/him down patiently (as all mothers do) and help the young one understand that even though she is angry, she needs to forgive her friend.

At the end there would be a memory verse and a series of questions. "Have you been hurt before?" "Who do you need to forgive today?" Appropriate questions for my 12 year old mind. The devotional would continue to dispense with these moral lessons all year, teaching us to forgive, to give to others, to be kind to old ladies, to treat our teachers with respect. And in the process I learned that the story is merely a tool towards a greater purpose. God uses stories to teach us to be good. I encountered this in most Christian fiction, dramas for vacation bible school, and in preacher's sermons.

This reality is a sad one. What I am learning from Ira is that you need to tell the story first.

In this life of pursuit of Jesus, this life of discipleship, our story is reality. The moralizing is not. We walk along the path of our story. The grit, failures, successes of our life are our story. As we live life and walk along this path, we then reflect so that God can remind us why we walk, why we strive, to give us inklings as to where we are on the map of his greater plans. When we forget the importance of the story, it's as if we have stopped walking, contenting ourselves with analyzing a map of the road.

We could learn from Ira Glass. That the story comes first. That the story needs to be told and that we need to invite people into the turmoil of our story. We want them to hang on to every moment as we reveal step by step how we have fallen, picked ourselves up and continued to walk. How we have struggled with cross-bearing decisions and have chosen for ill or for good. How we have sat in times of darkness and are still not completely sure we see the light. And then, and only then, when in our vulnerability we have opened ourselves up to be critiqued, ridiculed, or worst ignored, then we can pause and ponder, "God, what is it that you are leading me into? What is the greater story?". For it still necessary to understand who we are amidst the grand landscape of God's sovereign motion and movement, but let us not be too hasty to say we know where we are.

note: The devotional above was not the one we used as kids. I just thought it was "awesome" :). On another side note, my parents often couldn't stand some of the devotionals either and so we would have good conversations off of that. My parents are awesome, the devotional materials of the early 90s... so so.

The call to create

2009-01-13T17:14:00.000-08:00

Five days ago I took up the challenge of the blank page.

The challenge posed by the blank page as it stares at me, daring me to pollute its clear, ordered, lined surface. It sits in scorn of my feeble attempts to create new order, thought, or meaning in messy black scrawls. I feel inept and unfit for the task.

To my hope and chagrin, I have a community of friends who have taken up the same challenge, and they will push and drag me till I decide to soldier on. And I am further pushed by the call to create.

This new understanding of creation comes from a book I recently read and I offer you this tidbit below.

The author reflects on "An Artist in His Studio" and he muses, "I have come to see [the Artist] not primarily as a portrait of a person but of a posture. The artist steps back from his work. His weight is on his back foot--he is contemplating, waiting, watching. But the brush is already in his hand. he will soon step forward to the canvas that looms before him with all its possibility and danger. He contemplates in order to act. he is still in order to move. He is alone in order to offer something to others. He is small and humble, recognizing that what he is creating is in some sense more lasting and of greater import than himself. But he is also dignified by this moment of waiting and watching. The painting depends on him, on his willingness to risk being a creator."

That is the challenge of the blank page... to risk being a creator. To take the God-given experiences, stories, insights, knowledge, and make something new.

Perhaps in creation... the ephemeral nature of truth is concretized for a moment, and I will be given the grace to see God.

Do I believe in New Years Resolutions?

2009-01-02T15:39:00.000-08:00

First, an apology for the 3 month disappearing act! Returning from Manila and transitioning back into life in America was a blitz and if you would like to hear more about it, call me and we can sit down and talk. :) Rather than write a 3-month reflection blog... I figured I would jump back into it with the thoughts that are actually on my mind.

With that said...
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Do I believe in resolutions?

January 1st is a world-wide accepted marker for the beginning of something new. Measuring our lives in seconds, minutes, hours, work weeks, months... this is the beginning of a new year. Now, is the time to experience a freedom from the mistakes, regrets, and failures of the previous 52 weeks and walk forward free to dream again. But what makes this day any different then yesterday?

Was it the count down with friends, the singing of Auld Lang Syne (you know, that song everyone starts singing but no one knows the words to), the champagne that gives the New Year signficance? Is it Pope Gregory and his final adjustments to the Calendar the world now accepts as standard that gives this day significance?

While I was in college, the New Years was only as significant as the people I was around. Personally, the end of the school year had muchmore meaning, as I launched myself into summer having completed another year of classes, bible studies, and college life.

But as I sit here celebrating the day after new years at my favorite coffee shop I felt like there was something about 2009 that I had to take note of and acknowledge.

I'm at a crossroads. And because I'm at a crossroads, 2009 stands before me as another menacing "year of transition". Transition is good for us, it is in the midst of transition that we grow and mature. But transition is hard because it is often vague, and the journey is much hazier then the vision for the end result. I currently am not looking forward to 2009...

But as I've spent some days in reflection and rest... I realize that God is calling me to vision with Him. To have goals and dreams. Both for personal formation and for accomplishments and the future.

One thing I desire to do is write more.

All of you need to keep me accountable for this okay?

The Last Slum of Makati

2008-09-21T18:06:00.000-07:00

You will probably hear it before you see it.

If you are listening, amidst the towers, the parking lots, the banks and coffee shops of Makati you will find it.

If you are listening... the sounds of cars, people, & construction will give way to the crowing of a rooster, in the center of the financial & commercial sector of Manila.

And if you are truly listening enough to care you will look up from the ground in front of you and peer beyond the trees growing so perfectly along the roadside and you will the corrugated rooftops of the last slum of Makati.

It stubbornly sits there, wooden creations, a spot, a blemish on the face of the otherwise clean and spotless Makati exterior. Laundry hangs out the windows to dry and an older man lounges on the third floor just in view over the tops of the perfect row of trees, which worked so hard to mask the existence of such a place.

The blemish, meticulously hidden yet betrayed by the cocks crow is there to stay. A miracle in many ways, perhaps God preserving the homes of the few, a symbol of his care for his people in the midst of an unjust opulence. Maybe His judgment, an indictment against the superficiality of Makati's prosperity that is striving to hide the abject poverty that lurks below the surface that is the backbone of the construction of the grand and soaring skyscrapers that tower over the miracle blemish.

And perhaps it, in this moment, is God's word to me... pleading with me to have his eyes and his ears for his people. To listen for his voice, even if by such mundane things as a rooster's crow.

Ate Luce

2008-09-08T20:22:00.000-07:00

This isn't really finished, but I haven't posted in a while... so i'll go ahead and post it for you all. A too short sketch of Ate Luce
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Amongst the Sari-Sari stores of Botocan most people know of Ate Luce's store. The most variety and the cheapest alcohol make it a common location for all people in Botocan to drop by, sooner or later.
If you were to drop by you would meet a kind but quick, hospitale & sassy mother of two, the central piece of the Sarmiento household who pile into the upstairs of the store every night, all eight of them sharing the space of a small studio apartment in Los Angeles. There's Mom & Dad Sarmiento, Ate Luce and her husband Guya Weng, there are two kids, Dart (short for Dartagnian of Muskateers fame) and Basti (short for Sebastian, though his real name... long story). Finally, Luce's two brothers, Nielsen and Ken, round out the mix. It is a close & loyal family, true to each other & committed to their mutual success.
Luce is always available to talk amidst dealing with customers, caring for Basti, or taking a break to smoke. She is quick to smile and quick to invite you in for some afternoon meryenda or a late dinner; especially if you are an awkward and slightly befuddled American "missionary". She is proud of her brothers, both who are studying at the Polytechnic University of the Philippines and is devoted to her husbands and sons.
"Where were you Daniel?" she chides me after a day away. "Next time you need to eat with us!"
Recently the twinkle has disappeared. One peels back a layer and underneath the quick smile is a sadness, the weight, worry, and anxiety of a mother concerned with the future of her children. Less than a year ago her father had a stroke rendering him unable to continue his work as a mechanic. The household now survives on three jobs, Luce's mother's job washing dishes, Guya Weng's job as a pizza delivery man, and the store. Luce is thinking of going back overseas. She is not sure if she can afford her children's schooling. She loves her kids and wants to make sure that they have opportunities. So she is applying to go back to Japan again. Last time she went as an entertainer. She called her family every day because she missed her family so much. But because of her love for her children, she is willing to leave. To leave for the love of her children, the most tragic love of all.

Day Dreaming...

2008-08-01T23:58:00.000-07:00

I wake up in the morning. Time for another day of work! I sigh and get out of bed, grab a quick bite to eat and then go to my 8-5 job. It doesn't pay that well, but it keeps food on the table. If I had my choice I would be doing something else, but I don't really know what that would be so until then I am grateful for this job that keeps me going. It is a gift from God.

When I get home I'll either call up some friends to hang out, maybe play a game of chess, or basketball or just hang out. A lot of my neighbors drink, but I try to stay away from too much of that. My weekends are pretty full with church activities, I enjoy worship music so I help with the worship team when I can. I will be leading at the end of this month.

That's my life, I'm happy and God has given me the grace of his salvation. What else could I ask for?
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Who is this? Is this me in Los Angeles or Mark in the slums of Botocan?

In the midst of the differences... the similarities are striking.

Thoughts?

Ariel - A Character Sketch

2008-07-29T20:30:00.000-07:00

If you were to enter Botocan and weave through the tricycles, the makeshift market, the unclothed kids waiting for the laundry to dry, & turn into an alleyway right before the road veers off to the right-- then you would cross a small bridge covering the "stream" [read: open sewer] that runs through the community. Past the stream you would take a sharp right, cutting between two houses and find yourself in front of a house, the squealing of pigs in the background and face to face with Ariel, the inestimable pig farmer.

Ariel sits in his house watching TV, cracking jokes & talking to those who come by. His wife Luna is usually there as well, if she is not out talking with the neighbors or playing bingo for some pesos. Right behind thehouse they have the pigs, 12 babies right now and one mama sow. They can breed four times a year and sell the babies when they are grown for 2,000 pesos each (approx. $45). Ariel also rents two places out.

When we visit Ariel he always welcomes us in. He loves to talk & loves a good pun, & he has a lot! Quick wit & quick mind, he is a delightful host. I visit with Aaron & since I speak so little Tagalog all I can do is smile & laugh. He always points that out, "daniel, he likes to laugh. That's good, it's the Christian thing to do. " I don't even know how serious he is. They want to invite me over so that I can learn more tagalog, so that I won't rely on Aaron translating for me. Ariel says, "Usually Filipinos are very hospitable, we would give you the very best. But because you're here to experience the life of the poor we will feed you rice and dried fish." He says this in mock seriousness & then laughs. Who knows what I will be fed come thursday night!

The War of the Roads

2008-07-17T01:45:00.000-07:00

Aaron likes to walk...

He must have grown up a 'walker' because not often do I find myself taking public transportation, but rather, we walk. We travel through the city by foot, eschewing the horde of jeepneys, tricycles, motorbikes & taxis, all vying for his piso. And so I walk with him, taking just one Jeepney in th emidst of running errands to three locations, walking over 4 miles.

He has the scars to prove his mileage, right on his calf from a tricycle running into his leg. I can see how as the tricycle taxis whiz around us, their two-stroke engines a sharp staccato, like machine gun fire as they push & shove their way between jeepneys. Jeepneys, who think they are motorcyles cutting in and out of traffic, even into the opposite lane to get ahead, blocking traffic going both ways for a block. Interspersed the lone Toyota Camry (2008!) and Mercedes Benz owned by the rich who somehow keep their vehicles scratch free. Perhaps their windows are bullet and scratch proof. Aaron has told me of a company which rents out bullet proof vehicles for use by the rich, mostly chinese-Filipino familyies, for protection against kidnapping. Some 200 kidnappings a year, some kids getting kidnapped multiple times... routine extortion of money.

Aaron and I continue walking, though we wioll take one Jeepney back towards Botocon, where home is. Bent low in a short seat as we wait for our stop passing money between the driver and the passengers; the driver doling out change with one hand as he drives with the other. Aaron yells out our stop and he swerves to a halt and we continue on our way. Walking.

Aaron likes walking.

24 hour count down

2008-07-08T11:40:00.000-07:00

Here is a prayer request e-mail I sent out. If you would like to receive updates by e-mail of my time in the Philippines let me know!
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Hey everyone! At this time tomorrow I'll be standing in LAX, waiting in line to check baggage in for my flight to the Philippines! It has been a whirlwind month and a half as I've pursued this opportunity to return overseas. I remember when I first began considering going to the Philippines an option. It was actually pretty exciting for me to even consider going back overseas. As I began to pursue going as an option, I was blessed to have different things fall into place without too much in the way of any problems. I see it as God opening doors.

As the day of departure looms I sense in myself that the initial excitement has passed and has been replaced with the reality of going as well as a deeper hope in what God seems to be doing in my own soul and spirit. As I have lived out the past month, the purpose for this journey and trip has shifted slightly. Where before it was primarily a "fleece" to test to see if I should go overseas (e.g. "God, i'm in the Philippines. If you're calling me here, you can tell me now!") now I am seeing it as a time to sit and listen to what it is that God actually wants me to hear. And more than anything, I want to be able to return to the U.S. with the voice of God being the primary voice I hear, rather than my friends (though I love all of you!), family, or --as is most often the case-- my own voice, which often speaks words of indecision, comparision, angst, and fear of failure!

All that said, below are some ways I can see you all praying for me! I'll bold it, for all of you who wanted to get to the meaty stuff and just skimmed up to this point. ;)

My posture coming in: Pray that I would be able to come in, not as a doer, but as a Learner, a servant, an intercessor and a friend. These are the roles that the internship encourages and I know that as I focus on learning from the people already there, putting things before God, and focusing on relationship, that I will receive the most.

Sarah and I: This will be the longest Sarah and I have been apart since we started dating. :( Please pray for a mutual trust and intentionality and care for each other as we explore God's calling in our lives in two very different areas.

A sensitivity to God's voice: Most important to me is that I would continue to grow in a sensitivity to God's voice and a trust in His guidance in my life. That I would trust in His sovereignty as well as His grace and love.

Okay, I'm not sure how often I will be able to write these, so here is what I know for now. I'll try to e-mail later with contact information and updates but I make no promises! :) Thank you all, again for your care for my life. I appreciate that this group represents a cross section of my life that includes Thailand, Oxy, InterVarsity, and Fuller. God has truly blessed me with good friends.

Take care and blessings,

Daniel

The count down begins

2008-07-01T16:11:00.000-07:00

Nine days until leaving. The Lord is at work in my life and I sit in that truth as I prepare to go!

So much has been swirling through my head and heart the past few days. But reading my friend's posts the past few days has definitely challenged me and encouraged me to write!

Yesterday I had about 10 people over at my house to pray for me as I prepared to leave. We gave a little space to listen to God and people begin praying. I have to say that every prayer that was prayed resonated in a specific way and I realized at that moment the blessing of having community come around you, see you and lift up petitions on your behalf before God.

I feel covered by prayer and ready to go.

I am ready to go and receive. I am realizing how much deeper my confidence in God needs to press into my soul, that I would have a freedom in my life to know that God, in his sovereignty, has my best in mind and as a wise mentor has reminded me, I can't f-- it up. There's a lot in that statement that is still very difficult for me to believe. And in that fear of making mistakes I abdicate to the opinions and desires and vision of other people to the point where my own desires and vision is masked, repressed and lost. Perhaps Manila will be nothing but sitting and letting those deep things float upwards. And if it is nothing but that, I will come back content and satisfied, proclaiming the goodness of God.

Pray that over me my friends.

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Notice a new blog on the left bar called "moments". It's a blog of Steph Wong's past year teaching. It comes to you highly recommended!

Shout Out to Joseph Study

2008-06-05T15:58:00.000-07:00

Today I worked on a devotional for our staff team using Genesis 39:20-23 (page 96.9-14 for the LoJ folk) where God has favor on Joseph in jail. I'm primarily reflecting on Joseph's 'hopeful activity'--how Joseph neither falls into mindless work or into spiritual fatalism. As I've reflected on the past few weeks and how difficult it has been for me to work at Fuller I'm convicted of my own need to work hard in the situation that I am in and trust God's hand and movement in that, even as I dream of moving from this situation onto something new.

Then I looked at today's Dilbert comic and laughed... hopefully this is what I'm avoiding.

Where do you sit in class?

2008-05-30T13:40:00.000-07:00

Which one were you in college?

Which one was I?
I know which one I was... any guesses out there?

Success! I've been seen by Google!

2008-05-23T14:29:00.000-07:00

Well, my life is officially complete. My glorious automobile, "Rusty" (christened by Bethany) was captured by a Google Streetview Car. I can now rest happy.

View Larger Map

It is a bit of a surreal experience to say the least. To be known on the internet... even if no one else cares! :D

The reality of the quake

2008-05-21T18:53:00.000-07:00

It's like rain on your wedding day... or an earthquake. This blog post jolted me into the reality that, yes, no one was expecting the earthquake in Sichuan.

Craziness

HT: Kottke.org

Graduation 2008

2008-05-20T14:25:00.000-07:00

They have done it! Class of 2008, in all of their glory. ;)

What would this class be without a crazy picture eh? A few more graduation pix are online here and I'm sure there are gads on facebook.

I went to the ceremony in time to see all of the students walk and I actually can say I enjoyed it. Having been out of college for a couple years now, the symbolism of that journey across the stage into life post-Oxy has taken on new meaning. It is the entrance into a new world with new possibilities, fears, and adventures.

And in some ways, this was my graduation too. As I have made the decision to move on from my time here at Oxy and into the post-InterVarsity world I wonder what possibilities, fears, and adventures I will have lined up for me. Coming out of the last student conference I will be at in a long while, I feel tired, and yet I am excited for the potential of things to come. Who knows what is ahead? I, for one, am not sure. All I know is that I feel privileged to get to 'graduate' alongside such an inestimable group of people! :)

How many countries can you name?

2008-05-08T13:59:00.001-07:00

Another distraction in a string of geographically related trivial moments. Thank God for my work place! Let's see what y'all can get!

108
I find this kind of stuff magnificently distracting. I tried to go off the Animaniacs song in my head (the countries of the world). Any other strategies out there?

blip

2008-04-24T10:23:00.000-07:00

I've added a link to some of the blogs I read. It's slightly redundant for some of you (he he) but I wanted to direct people to other people who are living out/or striving to live out the beliefs they hold, the truths they see.

All the blogs are excellent, but special mention to mongologs... i read his blog and he accomplishes what I desire to accomplish, that is to capture those moments of clarity amidst ambiguity, better than I could aspire to do.

25% over

2008-03-31T22:55:00.000-07:00

I want to blog tonight. Unless you think I'm innately interesting, don't read this!

It's march 31st, I've only blogged four times and the year is 25% over. I feel lame. I 'got busy' last month. Events, life, relationships... let's just say that there wasn't much space for any rumination or reflection in my life, even plain old rest.

And the year is a quarter over.

I have a bad habit of thinking of things in negative terms. I think about what is gone as opposed to what is to come. I guess that makes me a pessimist.

I'm thinking about staff work with InterVarsity right now. I don't know if pessimists make good staff workers. I don't know if we have the idealistic vision, the faith in God's hand, and the stubbornness of spirit (we might have that... in a pessimistic sort of way) to lead student movements. I wonder... I wonder... but on some level I love what I do. I love getting a chance to show people Jesus' plan, Jesus' invitation, Jesus' challenge at such a critical junction in their life. It is an amazing experience.

I lead a track for Multi-ethnic students this past Saturday at IVs ethnic identity and spirituality day conference (we called it Kingdom Identity). It was a lot of fun and I enjoyed facilitating discussions and sharing from my own life and watching God interact with students over their understandings of themselves.

I know I have passions. what are they? the question I have been asking for over four years now and still feel like I haven't answered. What are my passions? How does one find these things out? I have but vague ideas.

Well, at least I have the rest of the year to figure it out right? It will be over before I know it!

Adrenaline Addiction

2008-02-22T18:25:00.000-08:00

Just finished a 60 hour work week. And no, I'm not including InterVarsity and, actually, I'm not including lunch breaks. The School of Psychology just finished its largest event of the year, the Integration Symposium and I'm wiped.

Actually, I know I'm tired, but I don't feel tired yet. Yes, the ever-pleasant and delightful 'adrenaline rush' is what I'm still experiencing. I worry about how my body will respond tomorrow when there is suddenly so much less work to do, will I crash? [and on a complete tangent, do you all remember how "adrenal glands" made your zerglings go friggin crazy fast?]

I don't think that I have tapped into the adrenaline reserves this deep since I was in college, and I am surprised to remember how addictive it is! I forgot how good it feels to have your mind completely clear and ready to go at the end of an 11 hour day. Knowing that if you tried to rest right now, your brain would be moving at a mile a minute. I remember how I used to feed off of this. I would eat adrenaline.

When I first began interning, my supervisor, Elizabeth, pushed the disciplines of the Sabbath rest and of daily rest in supervising me. What was hard about that, at first, was that taking sabbath rest cuts you off from the Adrenaline diet. It forces you to need normal amounts of sleep and get appropriate rest. And so first I fought against it! It wasn't until I took a prayer retreat halfway through my first intern year that I realized how instable (and unhealthy) the adrenaline diet is. As I tried to pray and rest, my body showed how empty it was! Sabbath rest is now an important part of my life.

And so I reflect on rest, more for my own memories sake. To remind me not to get back on the adrenaline diet. I need good rhythms of rest and work... I need to be nourished by God's presence in my life, an altogether different and much more sustaining diet than Adrenaline.

What separates the boys from the men

2008-02-01T17:08:00.000-08:00

I played volleyball in high school under the severe tutelage of Coach John Marc. He was a funny Canadian man, born and raised in Cote D'voire and moved to Thailand to teach. He worked us and in the late hours of practice as our dives and serves became half-hearted he would intone, "come on guys, this is what separates the boys from the men!".

What really does separate the boys from the men? I was sent a link to an NPR broadcast yesterday about "young men stuck in adolescent limbo". The author intoned that men these days "linger -- happily-- in a new hybrid state of semi-hormonal adolescence and responsible self-reliance." Namely, they have the freedom to do what they want, and they, well, do what they want. The writer desired to see men "grow up", raise a family, learn to take real responsibility. In her mind that is what separates the boys from the men. In some ways I agreed with the thrust of the article. I see men who cling to 'freedom' and I observe a society that allows them to do that (encourages it even). While I don't think getting married solves the problem (!!!) I do see a difference between my friends who are getting married earlier and later, esp. as I think about their maturity in decision making. It's a decision that can mark a separation 'between the boys and the men'.

I'm learning that perhaps being a man involves the will to make decisions and to live with the consequences. Something I struggle with as I fight my tendencies to explore every angle of a decision before the angst-filled moment of choice. Perhaps that is the separating step...

Or perhaps becoming a man can't be defined in such strict terms. Or at least the growing into it...

I played basketball with my cousins this past winter break. They're a senior and junior in high school and so I've always been the "older" cousin. They now can both match me, heck, work me at the sport I used to call my own. But what struck me was the change that I saw come over my cousins, especially the younger one. Normally a quiet, amiable and friendly, but reticent guy, he changes when the basketball is in his hands. He's what they call, a natural, his movements are fluid, almost ballet like. He and his brother compliment each other as his brother is the workhouse, boxing out and cleaning up. But while his older brother displays a similar determination on and off the court, his countenance shifts. He gets the gleam in his eye. The gleam that says, "yeah, you've done college and all that stuff, but I could totally own you right now." There is a cocky new step, an assurance that he is better than you, it's the gleam that leads a team to win. The gleam tells me that, in the small ways sports can do this, my cousins are stepping over to the side of the men.

This is an idea post... I don't feel like i've tied these thoughts together... but they felt in the same vein.... what do you think?

Straddling the present: A foot in the past and one in the future

2008-01-25T22:36:00.000-08:00

I went 'home' for Christmas. Home is itself a transient location, packing up bags and following my parents wherever they are. So this Christmas home was in Thailand. It was good to go to this home, a place of many memories and thoughts.

I am narcistically amused at myself in Thailand as I am catapulted back into the world of my high school days and I try to act grown up within that context. I laugh at myself as I interact with old friends, talk about days gone by, and try to find things to do besides go to movies, eat food, and hang out in malls.... like we did in high school. I had never thought about how places and the experiences that formed those places push certain expectations upon you.
I went to a reunion of sorts, on top of a hotel by the river to celebrate new years. These friends had stayed in touch and were still close, probably closer in some ways than the friends they had all made in college. Not my experience and yet I found myself drawn back into the world they had always lived in. It was nostalgic for me, yet present for them. I come back the one looking the same on the outside, yet feeling different in temperament, cares, concerns, person. How to interact?

I visited lexie keller in Bangkok to and saw into the future. Lexie is working with Servant Partners and has planted herself in the Bangkapi slums, living incarnationally. She has intentionally relocated to Thailand with the goal of long term ministry to the Thai people. When I hung out with her, she had only been in Thailand for a month, a lifetime in her new 'home' ahead of her. I envied her sense of purpose while I was encouraged by her zeal and faith in a God that works. The future... a future I don't usually experience in the 'home' of my past. But I guess 'home' will always be associated with past, until home does not pack bags and move with the fam... when home is where I plant myself.

I connected with an old friend who is moving to Turkey soon as a lifetime minister w/ AOG. Making new homes, the future.

I wonder what future is in store for me, what homes I will create, leave, plant, and thrive in? I wait expectantly as God begins to unveil these things.

New Beginnings

2008-01-13T21:03:00.000-08:00

After many years of loyal xanga blogging, I've finally decided that it's time to start again.

I have a bad habit. I have moments where I see something, I hear something that makes me think. But I'm a lazy thinker and so I don't let myself really reflect on what it is that I am realizing. So this blog is going to be a place to let those thoughts unravel, unfold... and come to whatever end they will, either inane or insightful.

I find that the truth often is in the cracks between the maxims by which I interpret and live my life. Truth, in some ways, is too strong a word. Perhaps reflection is a better posture of seeking things out.

Well, let's see how this goes... along with reflections will probably be dilbert cameos amongst other things. cheers!